The Self-Love No One Talks About: Why Healing Begins With Self-Forgiveness

How self-love became a trend, but few understand the depth behind

People love an ideal. A fantasy. A romantic belief about something they secretly struggle with. I think it lets them dream but without real, honest accountability.

Why would the quick-fix healing sell so well? — the “feel better in two days,” “heal generational trauma in one session,” and so on…

My approach to self-love is different.

I built the relationship with myself by staying by my own side in the most gut-wrenching moments of my life. Because real love stems from unconditional love — the kind that stays even when you’re flawed, messy, angry, or afraid. True self-love doesn’t abandon you.

When we talk about self-love, or the lack of it, this is the core wound underneath: abandonment.

And so for me, everything began with forgiveness because —

I had to forgive myself for all the times I felt lonely, exhausted, lost, unsafe.. and abandoned.
I had to teach myself that these were human experiences — not evidence that I was bad or unworthy.

Because what I longed for the most was someone who could hold me in those moments… that someone was me.

Self-forgiveness begins with self-responsibility

The way people understand self-love comes mostly from a superficial interpretation:

What can I do from the outside and in, that will make me feel good about myself?

Maybe it’s setting boundaries.
Maybe it’s taking ourselves out to dinner.
Maybe it’s skincare rituals.
Maybe it’s booking a trip to the sun.

These things are beautiful — but they aren’t the highest expression of self-love.

Earlier, I mentioned self-abandonment… and now you’re ready to go deeper.

Know this; even if we set boundaries or finally let go of the people who aren’t good for us, it comes to a point when we must also make peace with the past version that once allowed it to exist in the first place.

A boundary can protect you, but it won’t transform your relationship with yourself.

Here’s why:

When someone you know dishonours your personal space, sometimes it might mean that somewhere hidden within… we haven not honoured our own integrity and core values. It often is so that one persons energy can be found in several other relationships or situations, producing a mirror effect on our inner world.

This is why the same people often return into our lives — because the energetic pattern is still alive inside us.

Quantum therapy teaches us how energy weaves perfectly into our beliefs, emotions, and actions. Healing the helplessness we all once felt by taking back our power and integrating a new vision.

To heal self-abandonment, and experience true self-love — we must practice self-forgiveness.
And it shall begin with this level of truthfulness.

I came full circle when I forgave my own Inner Parents

I’ll be honest — I’m still learning to understand my biological parents. It’s a lifelong journey, because at the end of the day, they’re also children in adult bodies, carrying their own traumas and unmet needs.

But the parents I did forgive were my inner parents — my spiritual mother and father.
The feminine and masculine energies within me that I began embodying in my late twenties.

There were so many times I made reckless decisions that led me into despair — losing friends, losing income, staying in abusive relationships, almost losing my home, counting coins for groceries.

I was a wild teenager well into early adulthood, living from resentment, self-protection, and distrust. I didn’t realize I was operating from survival — from unbalanced lower chakras — rather than from my heart.

When those realizations landed, I cried for months.
And in those tears, something began to open up. For the first time in my life I saw myself, in every joy and pain I’ve ever had.

I felt compassion, understanding. Love.

And I felt the possibility of trusting myself again.
Of living a healthier, more peaceful life, simply because I chose it from now on.

I healed the bond with my little girl.
I reparented myself with a version of me who’s level of space-holding, responsibility, vulnerability, and strength, gives both her and I a clear path in life. I gave myself the missing parts of my biological parents — and I felt complete again.

How self-forgiveness opens the door to spiritual connection

As you’ve heard me share before, reparenting ourselves and practicing a higher form of self-Love marks a profound shift in spiritual consciousness. When we embody a healthier version of us, we also channel a clearer connection to God.

The voice that says, “It’s okay to be sad” is the same voice that says: “Let your Self weep and be cleansed through these tears, my Child”.

Close your eyes with me for a moment.
Take a deep breath.

Now see if you can think of a time when you felt abandoned by others…

Together, we will give grace to the version of you who didn’t know that the person you always needed…

Was your self.

Let us grieve the hurt..
And with the help of our Holy Spirit and Divine Mother, let us forgive, release, and love you — for all that you are.

I pray these teachings have landed in your heart, and that you now understand the deeper meaning of Self-Love.

If you want to walk this path with a guide, my mentorship or upcoming group program Mujer Medicina.. may be for you.

Until next time.

Con amor,
Nina